Friday, November 21, 2008

Day Twelve Part Two: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

My emotional state has done a complete 180 since this morning. After receiving some great news this morning at my ultrasound, I have had an afternoon of contractions and irritability. In fact, I've had to get two T-pump boluses (surges) earlier than usual to try and quiet things down. The thing is, I knew this would happen. It's common - even expected - for T-pumps to eventually "fail," meaning that my body will at some point get used to the Terbutaline and will no longer react to it. But typically it takes 2-3 weeks for this to happen, and I have only been on it for 10 days. My basal dosages, as well as my boluses, can be increased to buy more time. But I fear how much more time because once I break through the T-pump, the doctors will need to bring out the big guns. The magnesium sulfate.

I'm so discouraged right now. It seems like every time I make progress, something happens to knock me down. I cry at the drop of a hat because I'm just so scared and emotionally drained. I know God won't give me anything I can't handle, but sometimes I wonder what He's thinking. I just feel so weak. Are other mom's in the other high-risk patient rooms feeling this way? Are they as emotionally unstable as I am? Sometimes I feel like the staff thinks I'm neurotic.

1 comment:

Brandi said...

Sweetie. I am not in a high risk pregnancy and I am just as unstable. Don't be discouraged, you have more strength than you know of to be dealing with all of this. You and your little one are in my prayers.