Day Sixteen: Breaking Through

32 weeks and 3 days.

Today has been one of those days...

It all started this morning when I had a bad dream. Catering brought my breakfast tray into my room around 7:15 a.m. as usual, and it's at this time that I usually go to the bathroom, put my contacts in, brush my teeth, turn on the TV and start my day. But this morning, I let myself drift back to sleep, and that was a huge mistake. I had the WORST dream ever. I shouldn't be surprised. It's always the early morning dreams that are the weirdest. I dreamed that I was on the fetal monitor, and the nurses found a heart irregularity with the baby. His heart rate would be normal and then dip way low. It scared me to death! I was awakened at 8:30 by the perinatologist who came in to see me. He apologized for waking me up, but I told him that I was thankful he did. Ugh, what a nightmare. And it has stuck with me all day. From now on, I'm rising and shining when that breakfast tray enters my room.

I am getting quite proficient at typing with one hand.

The day hasn't really improved much since my horrible dream. I have been crampy all all day and have been having a lot of contractions and irritability. I am living from terbutaline bolus to terbutaline bolus, and that makes me very uncomfortable, as if I'm starting to break through the meds. It's been nearly 2 weeks since I've started the pump, so it wouldn't surprise me. I have an ultrasound tomorrow morning, and I will be very vocal about my concerns. The doctors are flirting with the notion of sending me home tomorrow, which always sends my emotions into overdrive.

I have been ultra-focused on days lately... how many days left until I reach 34 weeks? 35 weeks? 36 weeks? How far will I go? At what date will I reach these milestones. I am trying to still take it one day at a time, but it's hard on days like today, when I just want to know everything will be OK.

Most of the things we've ordered for baby have arrived. The clothes have been washed, but Stefan told me he's just throwing the piles of clean laundry into his crib and will fold them later.