My ultrasound this morning was pretty good. The baby has somehow flipped himself to breech again, but the doctor said he will more than likely flip again before delivery day. Everything measured stable, so I thought I was on my way home today. No such luck. My doctors are still concerned with the number of contractions I'm having, particularly in the evening hours. So they once again adjusted my meds and want to observe me again overnight. It's all so bittersweet. I want nothing more than to go home, but if something's not right, I want to be here. I have spent much of the day in tears of frustration over whether or not we'll find anything that works, or if my doctors will just keep adjusting meds like a science experiment in order to buy just one more day. Eventually, my options will run out and the baby will come when he wants... I just hope it's sometime after 34 weeks.
The dietician here at the hospital has put me on Ensure twice a day to help me gain weight. I am back to shedding pounds, but not because I am not eating, but because the baby is demanding so much right now. He is gaining roughly 1/2 pound a week, and the calories needed to do that are a lot. I am eating again, but not enough for me and the baby. So he gets what he needs (thank God), and I continue to lose the weight. The Ensure is supposed to help get more nutrients to me and the baby, but it doesn't taste very good. I have to get it super cold and then chug it through a straw, tasting as little as possible. I heard Boost tastes better, but the hospital has a contract with Ensure, so that's what I get.
Stefan and Ava came down for a nice, long visit this evening. They had to - I was out of underwear. We had dinner together (Stefan and Ava got McDonald's in the hospital cafeteria and brought it to my room), and Ava had a good time playing with a few spare (safe) objects from around my room. Ava snuggled with me on my bed while she ate some Cheerios, which was one of the sweetest moments of my life. And getting a warm bear hug from my hubby is the better than any medicine that could come in a bottle. I love it when they visit, but it always takes me at least an hour after they leave to calm down and stop the tears. It makes me feel like I am sacrificing the care of one child to care for the other. Some days, my mantra of "This, too, shall pass" doesn't seem to be very effective. Today is one of those days. I hope tomorrow is better.
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5 comments:
I just want you to know that I think of you everyday and rely on your blog to tell me what is happening with you and Baby Boy Blum and if you are both okay. I sure do wish that I had a magic wand to make your pregnancy a little more simpler for you but no such luck. So all I can do is hope and pray that things are going to be okay. Stay positive- I know it is difficult but it is the only advice that I can offer I guess. XOXO
When you said, "sacrificing the care of one child to care for the other", one hand went to my heart and the other to my lips... how precious and poignant.
You are so inspiring - even when out of underwear. I just feel the pull of your heart in these facets of your day - Ava snuggling, them leaving, the unknowing, the waiting.
I read your words and I am so proud to have you as one of the strongest people and sweetest friends I have ever known.
Hi Jackie! Hopefully they will get your contractions under control and you can come home soon. You are much better with words than I am. Instead of "sacrificing the care of one child to care for the other" I used to call it "picking favorites". ;) Just remember that the very best present you could ever give your child is a sibling.
Hi Jackie!
This is Sherry. I tried to write to you the other day but something went wrong and I don't think you got it. The day still says 'No comments" even though I tried 2 x.
Anyway, I am praying for you and baby blum, that the Lord will keep you both safe and healthy. I can identify with you wanting to go home, but maybe you are really where you need to be right now. There's nothing like having immediate access to good healthcare when you need it. I am amazed that you are loosing weight. That sure didn't happen to me while I was pregnant :)!
I wouldn't worry too much about not being able to be with Ava right now. She's so young, she will never remember any of this. So it is not going to produce lasting trauma or anything.
It sounds like you are in good hands there in the hospital, and we know you are in His good hands, so just rest in Him, know He loves you, and He is watching over both of you now.
Love you,
Sherry M.
You've made it this far...just a little farther to go. Just think how far you really have come, from that first scary hospital visit to now being almost 32 weeks! I'm so proud of you. Being at the hospital really is the safest place for you. You get dr's, food, rest, and the chance for you to give your growing baby 100% of yourself. Just remind this baby that he owes you big time!!!
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