Today was my original due date with Ian. It seems like forever ago that he was born, although it's only been 3 weeks and 5 days. We fought for every second of that 36 weeks and 2 days, baby boy, and we are so glad you are here, healthy and thriving. Praise God!
Part of me is having a little difficulty with things right now. It's hitting home that I will never be pregnant again. That I will never again experience the thrill of watching a home pregnancy test turn pink. That I will never again feel the flutters and kicks of a fetus inside of me. That I will never again experience the sight of a new life being brought into this world. My heart hurts a little with these thoughts. Stefan and I originally wanted three babies, but after this past pregnancy experience, we decided two is enough. Two beautiful, healthy babies, and I am nothing but grateful for that. It's just that I never got to experience a "normal" pregnancy, and I have to let that go. I was never able to get maternity portraits or wear super-cute maternity clothes while bopping down the street at 7, 8 or 9 months pregnant. I never got to experience pregnancy along with my sister, who is due this March. We don't even have a picture of the two of us, in all our pregnant glory. Pregnancy was not a good experience for me - either time - but the end results have been nothing but perfect, so I have to just let pregnancy go and relish in my babies' health and beauty. Because they are healthy. And because they are beautiful. I kind of hate myself for being so bitter about pregnancy when I have two great kids. I guess it's all relevant.
This morning I was driving to Target with Ava in the back seat. We were listening to some music, and I thought for a moment about my life. On past Saturday mornings, I would get up late, shower, spend an hour getting dressed and doing my hair and makeup. I would go out for lunch at a new restaurant and spend the day shopping and doing things at my leisure. Today, I was going to Target. Boy, how things have changed in just a few years! If I met me now, I wouldn't even know me! I can't tell you the last time I went to a mall or specialty boutique. But you know, I love my life. I wouldn't trade the diapers and bottles and Baby Einstein videos for anything in the whole world. I love my home and my world. I love my babies and my husband. I love my friends and my family. I love it all, good and bad. I think that's how you know you're truly happy in life: when even the hard moments don't affect your view on your life. And I've got a great view from here. I look around me and can only smile.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Very heart touching! I'm so happy to have you as my best friend!
Love & miss you....
I completely understand where you are coming from when you say you will never experience the pregnancy stuff ever again. I felt the exact same way after I had Landon and Fred was off having his vasectomy. You see I would be more than happy to have at least one more little one but Fred said enough is enough and I should be happy with my two little healthy boys. I honestly still feel a little way like this still but I am slowly geting over it. Just thought I would let you know that you aren't the only one feeling a little down about it.
I had a hard physical time during my pregnancy with Zo the last 4 months, and was in quite a bit of pain. Top that with the crazy day of her birth, which lasted for 22 hours with no sleep for 40, and at last a C-section at 3:02 am! So, it has been incredibly hard to convince my mind and my heart to do it again. I may be able to do it again, the next time just fine... but I also silently worry about the long term physical effects I could be left with.
And hey, if you really want three - adopt! SMCC is swimming with new ly adopted kids everywhere, which is so fun to see!
ps. check my blogs when you have time :)
Post a Comment