Ian's Half Birthday

Ian is 6 months old today. As I thought about what I would write to commemorate the occasion, I watched the video Stefan took tonight of us singing Happy Half Birthday to Ian, and I stumbled upon some old videos of Ava.  Old, as in December 2007, when our baby girl was a mere 12 months old.  At first, I couldn't believe there was video from 2007 still on the camera, for Pete's sake.  But then, after a minute, I was so grateful to have found that treasure trove of beautiful memories.  There were several video snippets, including her crawling, playing with Annie, and her very first steps.  There was a video of her pulling up into a standing position for nearly the first time.  There was a video capturing her nightly sprint to the bathroom when I mentioned the word "bath."  I ran upstairs, grabbed Stefan, and the two of us sat on the sofa in our bedroom for 15 minutes, stunned at what we were watching.  Was that really Ava?  I was shocked at how much I had forgotten - the sound of her squeals, the adorable toddle of her first steps.  How wobbly and clumsy she was as she attempted to do everything for the first time.  I watched myself in the videos and loved how engrossed I was in the moment.  You could read the strain in my eyes: "Remember this, Jackie. Don't forget this, Jackie. Don't you dare forget this."  I cried as I continued to watch those videos, wanting that time back so badly, feeling sad that she'll never again be that size.  Here is this beautiful little girl, sleeping soundly just down the hall, and here I am, sobbing over home movies of her just 18 months ago.  I miss her.  I know she's only two-and-a-half, but in my eyes, she's all grown up.

So then I got back to the task at hand: thinking about Ian.  He's growing so fast and changing every minute.  I'm living the moments with him now, but in just 18 short months, I'll look back at his half-birthday video with the same nostalgia and awe with which I watched those videos of Ava.  And I'll hate myself for not remembering.  I'll be shocked at how little he was, how fragile.  I'll want it back.  So as I sit here typing this post, I'm telling myself that this is the time.  These are those moments.   Don't forget.  Soak it all in.  Take pictures.  Enjoy him.  

Happy half birthday, Ian.  I love you so much, and while I can't wait to watch you grow and do things on your own, please know that I am loving this time, too.  I just want to be sure I remember it forever.  Get ready... you are going to be seeing a lot of the video camera.