Lyrics to My Favorite Worship Song

The best word I can think of to describe this song is: calibrating. If you'd like to hear it, turn up your volume!

Jesus, Lover of My Soul (It's All About You)

It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender to your ways

Jesus, lover of my soul
All consuming fire is in Your gaze
Jesus, I want you to know
I will follow you all my days
For no one else in history is like you
And history itself belongs to you
Alpha and Omega, You have loved me
And I will share eternity with You

It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender to your ways

Obama Wins

All of the Blums were fast asleep by the time our nation announced its new president-elect. I tried to stay awake but couldn't keep my eyes open. And given the fact that I have been struggling to sleep at all recently, I decided to give up and just find out this morning. I think the last thing I remember was the NBC crew putting a vinyl overlay in the color of blue over the state of Ohio.

Unfortunately, I was unable to cast my ballot this year. I was so looking forward to voting in such a critical and pivotal election, but bed rest came on hard and fast, and by the time I learned I was confined to my sofa, it was too late to request an absentee ballot. I watched all of the debates, followed each campaign, and weighed all of the issues. I am not a republican or a democrat or an independent. I vote the issues on each election day, and that's something I take pride in. I was very sad not to have the ability to go to the polls, but if I really want to make a difference, I know there is so much more I can do.

I think that regardless of who won last night, the fight ahead remains the same. Americans can't depend on one person to bring our country back to life. And we won't be successful if we continually separate ourselves as republicans or democrats. We must come together as Americans.

Thanks to everyone who voted yesterday. What an amazing right we possess.

A Moment-By-Moment Surrender

A recent blog post by my very good friend Tracy was entitled "Let Go and Let God." It's one of those truisms in life that is far more easily spoken than lived. Unfortunately, these words never ring more loudly than when were in the middle of a struggle or a trial that sends us to our knees exclaiming, "Lord, please help me!" God wants nothing more than a personal relationship with us. He wants us to talk to Him, to cry to Him, to trust Him. It's the ultimate sign of good faith when you heartfully tell God that you need Him and that you trust Him and His plan. Ever since my pregnancy test showed that beautiful second pink line, I have vowed to let go and let God. It was so much easier to follow through on that vow early in my pregnancy, when everything was going well and the thought of another premature baby was far from thought. Now that I have reached a critical point, and signs of complications are abundant, I have become what I like to call a "Christian Indian Giver." One minute, I give it all to God, because I know He is in control. Not a minute later, I am filled with worry and stress. Was that a contraction? Why am I feeling pressure there? Was that another contraction? Will I go into labor if I drive myself to my OB appointment or take a shower and shave my legs? How is Stefan holding up? How will I be able to celebrate Thanksgiving or Ava's second birthday? Does my sister resent me for asking so much of her? What if after all of this - the drugs, the injections, the bed rest, the ultrasounds, the hospitals - it's still not enough? Then I remember that I gave it to God. And I took it back.

Stefan and I had another OB and ultrasound appointment this afternoon. The doctors say they are "pleased" with how things look now, even though things aren't as good as they were last week, right before I was discharged from the hospital. If the doctors are happy, why don't I feel better? My perinatologist told me today that I have the toughest job of all: to relax and try not to worry. That really is a tall order for me, who has stressed over everything since learning the meaning of the word.

So how do I do it? How do I not stress? The answer is to let go and let God... and to not take it back. The only way I'm going to be successful is to surrender every moment - every 60 seconds - if that's what it takes. Letting go and letting God is not a one-time event. It's an ongoing, moment-by-moment surrender. If I can spend every waking moment worrying, then I can certainly try to spend it talking to God. I think He'd like that.

A Kiss Goodnight

Every night since going on bed rest, Stefan has brought Ava downstairs so that I can participate in her tooth brushing routine, and sometimes story time. I say my special goodnight to Ava before Stefan takes her back upstairs to bed. As they disappear up the stairs, I have gotten in the habit of blowing her kisses, and tonight, she returned the gesture. She blew me a kiss for the first time. It melted my heart as I have been struggling to cope with Ava's newfound dependence on and favor for Stefan and my sister. Not that I don't love watching Ava become her daddy's girl. It's just that I wish I could still be as big in her life as I was just a couple of weeks ago. I know it's only temporary, but in the meantime, that goodnight kiss was exactly what I needed.

Feeling Blue

Blue is the word of the day. I've been feeling blue. I'm seeing blue. Lots and lots of blue... but not all bad!

My sister went to Carter's this morning to shop for our baby boys - mine and hers. Because my shopping ability is limited to the Internet for the time being, I asked her to pick out a few essential layette items for the baby. In my opinion, shopping for baby clothes online is next to impossible. Not only is the selection overwhelming, but the prices are inflated, too. So I depended on my sister's good taste (and keen eye for a good sale) to furnish baby's first wardrobe! She brought me a bag full of absolutely precious (in a masculine sort of way) pieces - from sleepers to onesies to his all-too-important coming home outfit. And let me tell you, she did not disappoint. There is so much blue in that bag! Oh my goodness. When Stefan and I learned that we were having a boy, we went through all of the totes of clothes from Ava's first year to see if we could find anything unisex to use for the new baby. We failed. I found white onesies in every size, and that's about it. So until this morning, our little boy was going to be naked, which would have been acceptable until about age 10.

There is a part of me that is angry and sad that I am missing out on preparing for our son's arrival, but then I remind myself that I am doing what I need to be doing right now to ensure a safe, healthy, and as-close-as-possible-to-full-term arrival. I joined a high-risk pregnancy support group last night called Sidelines. It is for moms and families dealing with the challenges of high-risk pregnancies, and they also provide support for moms on bed rest. There are chat rooms, message centers, and counselors who contact you individually to offer support for whatever you're feeling. All counselors and volunteers have endured at least one high-risk pregnancy themselves, so they know what we're going through. I'm looking forward to connecting with other moms who are on bed rest. It's funny... Millions and millions of women are put on bed rest each year to deal with complications during pregnancy. But when you're laying here day after day, you feel like you're the only one.

But right this moment, I seem to have found a cure for my blues... surround myself with piles of it.

The Weighting Game

It has been wonderful to be home. My cramps have subsided, and in turn, the contractions have decreased considerably. I'm feeling really good! I was able to be here to see Ava get ready for her first-ever trick-or-treat, as well as watch her run around like a maniac for an hour afterward to work off the sugar high. I feel so good that it's difficult to just lay here; I want to get up and help Stefan, who is running circles around me trying to keep the house clean, Ava fed and entertained, and his career afloat. He's Superman.

But being relatively cramp free doesn't necessarily translate into being worry free. My concern now is weight. During the past week or so, the cramps, drugs and loss of appetite have equated to a huge weight loss for me. I am just a mere 10 pounds over my original pre-pregnancy weight. The baby isn't suffering; he will take from me everything he needs to grow. But it's just not healthy, period. I have lost about 10 pounds in a week, so my new career is to pack on the pounds. This is ironic because I am craving salads, not burgers.

Big game today against Georgia... GO GATORS!

Happy Halloween!

Ava is a lion this year for Halloween. One of her first animal sounds was a gigantic roar, and she has loved lions and tigers ever since. She isn't a fan of wearing the headpiece, but we were able to keep it on long enough to get a photo. This will be her first year Trick-or-Treating, and we're very excited to see how she does. Despite our efforts these past few weeks, she really doesn't say "Trick or Treat!" very well, but we think her overall adorable-ness will score her a few pieces of candy.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!